Hanging onto Habits When Your Routine is a Mess

"What does it take for you to feel in control?" (remadebyhand.com)

Last week, I hit a gigantic roadblock on my remakeability journey. What was it, you ask?

My childhood home.

See, my sister got married. I traveled home a week early and stayed through the event. I got lots of wedding stuff done, spent time with my family, and had quite a bit of fun.

But I hardly did a morsel of work, learning, writing, or reading.

Beware of Old Habit Seniority

What’s funny is that I did not find myself thinking, “I have to work!” at all. There was no inner battle of willpower determining how I spent my time. Instead, I slipped effortlessly, unconsciously, back into my way of being at home. I stayed up late. I ate all the things everyone else was eating even though I knew they would make me sick. I watched TV. I dropped almost all my newly-formed and in-progress habits. All without making a single conscious decision.

Such is the power of these ingrained habits, these old patterns of being. The way we’ve been for years and years silently pulls seniority over tender new habits, right under our very noses. How can we fight them when we don’t even realize they’re there?

Find Your Anchors

When you change your environment drastically — go on vacation, have a crazy week, have house guests, go through a major life event — it’s amazing how quickly your carefully constructed routine can crumble before your eyes.

There were two habits I kept up with while I was home: my morning mindfulness practice and my nightly posting for Project 365 x 2. I’ve been practicing these the longest of my new habits, and they are tied to things I do every day: getting up and going to bed. Thankfully, those are also times when it’s easy to be alone.

This pair of practices was my anchor at my parents’ house. They let me feel like I hadn’t been completely subsumed by the madness around me, like I maintained some skeletal version of the goals I’d set for myself in another place and time. They let me enjoy my week at home without feeling like I was sacrificing what I’d been working toward.

Think about it: what regular practices keep you anchored?

Be Prepared

When things get crazy, you have to make compromises. That’s okay. Me? I let go of everything but my two daily habits. They were enough to make me feel like I had one hand on the steering wheel, at least.

What will it take for you to feel in control?

Think about that before the disruption arrives. Before you go on vacation, before the guests arrive. What pieces of your routine will you cling to to help you stay centered? How will you incorporate them into your disrupted life?

Make these few things non-negotiable. Make sure they happen. You deserve them.

And what’s cool is that when your life returns to normal, you’ll feel like you succeeded. You kept those couple of threads from breaking. Their continued presence will make getting back into your regular routine a little easier.

I’d love to know: What habits or pieces of routine do you carry with you no matter where you are or what you’re in the middle of?

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I can't keep a routine to save my life. You would think something like coffee would be a routine -- I love coffee-- but no, at least a couple times a week I'll wake up, start doing something else, and never even think of it. But, at least my non-routine is of my own making. When I'm with other people, my routine mirrors theirs. And that's particularly bad when I go home.

Hey, I don't think there's anything wrong with being routine-less if things get done! My problem is that without some semblance of what to do when, I don't do the stuff I'm supposed to do. I'm trying to build some more productive habits, and if I don't do them every day until I get used to them, they never stick.

I fall back into my old habits as well when I'm with family. The TV is always on (whether I want it to be or not). I sleep in late. I don't eat as healthy. What I do maintain is my vegetarian diet. This style of eating is new to me (less than a year), so sometimes I'm still tempted by fish (not meat though). I just stick to my guns and say no thanks when I'm offered any. And I also try to drink my green smoothies...though that one can be a little harder. I just get back on track when I get home.

Sounds like we have similar troubles when we visit family! It's funny you mention green smoothies -- I went home for a visit determined to convert my family to their deliciousness, and I ended up forgetting to make them for myself! Another commenter, Charlie, mentioned setting a date for when you'll be back in your routine by. I like that idea a lot.

A little OT but related, that old phrase everyone says, "oh it's once, you can eat it one time, surely?" or "lighten up, this is meant to be fun" - when people say that to me I feel so guilty and generally end up giving in, though I started to realise that those people say those things an awful lot so that it's not longer "once" but a few times a week or the like. And then there's "I'm on holiday". When I know I'm not going to be able to do much for a few days (a day trip etc) then I will make a point of acknowledging it to myself and set a date for when I will "be back" in my routine.

Ha, not OT at all. That happens when I go home! Everyone is celebrating with a dish of ice cream (I can't really have dairy or sugar without getting sick) and I just have to join in. Doesn't matter if it's someone else or myself who cajoles me -- I'll usually just give in. I like your idea of giving yourself a predetermined "off-the-hook" period. I'll have to try that!