What Dietary Adventures (and Denise) Taught Me About Thinking for Myself

"Don't just follow the flock. Figure out what's right for YOU." (remadebyhand.com)

Every now and then, I read something that unlocks a flood of ideas and connections in me.

Last time that happened, it was a simple sentence. This time, it was a whole article, by Denise of Nurturing Creativity. I wrote a post-length comment on the original — then realized I had more to say.

Uncomfortable Uncertainty

I have always been a bit naive, to some extent. I am too trusting, too quick to believe whatever I am told. Low confidence and a perfectionist nature make things worse: I’m often unsure of myself (though I’m getting better), and I never want to be wrong (though again, I’m improving).

And so, like Denise, I have often felt buffeted by the winds of personal development leaders, diet and fitness gurus, and whoever else is selling ideas I might buy into — even if I’m not sure I wholeheartedly believe in them.

The questions circle in my mind: Who is right? Which advice should I follow? Whose plan should I implement?

Turns out the answer, in many cases, is none of them.

I am learning this lesson the hard way — through trial and error. And I didn’t realize I was doing it until I read Denise’s words.

A Personal Story

For the past six years, I have had chronic health issues no doctor has been able to diagnose or alleviate. These issues are minor, in the grand scheme of things, but that doesn’t mean I’d like them to stay. When the lack of medical assistance became apparent early on, I began my search for the perfect diet to appease my angry innards.

Anyone who has known me through these past six years will tell you it has been a rollercoaster of a ride — and the ride continues. Party hosts have given up trying to feed me. Every time I visit my parents, I show up armed with my latest “Erin-safe” recipes. Sometimes even I can’t remember what I’m eating and what I’m avoiding.

At some point along the way, I realized: None of the diets out there has been a 100% fit for me. And it’s quite possible none ever will.

So I took a new approach. Instead of relying on what the experts said, I began keeping the pieces that work for me and seeking alternatives for the ones that don’t. I started listening to my body instead of letting my hopeful mind convince me this latest diet had worked. Instead of accepting any single diet, I am building my own from the parts of many.

Extending the Approach

I am only starting to realize that this approach extends far beyond my diet. It goes for philosophies, beliefs, methodologies, systems. It goes for fitness and learning and all kinds of things. Now that my eyes are open to it, I expect to see examples popping up everywhere.

Human beings nothing like cookie cutter copies of one another. So why should the newest fad be right for everyone? Why must we feel forced to stick with someone else’s plan? Why can’t we strike out and create our own? Why won’t we think for ourselves, rely more on our own experiences instead of blindly following what others prescribe?

Because no one has the magic pill.

This is the problem I have with so-called experts who push their offerings as the One True Universal Solution. There is no such thing. An idea or program may work for some people, or even for many people — but no way will it work for everyone. And that is ok.

In Closing

I will never tell you that my way is the only way, or even the best way. It’s the best way for me, and I hope the reason you keep reading is that my words are helpful to you in some way. But just take the parts that work for you. This is not an all-or-nothing situation.

Most things aren’t.

If something you encounter is perfect for you, great. But if not, that’s ok too. Don’t feel guilty if the newest thing doesn’t work for you. Don’t feel broken if you have to swim against the tide of public opinion. Just because you don’t fit the current mold of normality doesn’t mean there’s something wrong with you.

Don’t be afraid to pick and choose the parts that work for you and leave the rest. And I won’t, either.

Your Thoughts?

Some other posts you might enjoy:

Two Steps to Turn Dreaming into Doing

Stop Missing Out on Your Life

Stop flailing. Start iterating.

Jo - Young Ambitions 11 pts

I love this post, Erin! (And you write so eloquently!) I love how you've taken one part of your life and applied what you've learnt to, well, everything! And I completely agree. I guess that's why I called my free e-book The Other Voice - it's just an alternative take on life which readers can choose to agree with or forget about. But thank you for making me realise this. Quite often I think you know something but you don't know that you know it and it takes another person or an experience to make you see it.

(Also, sorry I've not been on here in a while - I think your tweets must have got lost in the sea of tweets I was receiving! Have therefore stopped following a lot of people! Look forward to reading more :-) )

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remadebyhand 211 pts moderator

Jo - Young Ambitions Thanks! I'm working on it. We'll see how it goes :)

Yes, exactly -- I love when I read something someone else has written that feels like it was written right to me. I learn so much in those moments. It can be electrifying.

I have to do some Twitter cleaning out, too. Glad to have you back :)

Lori Stalter 16 pts

I think it's wonderful your experience with your diet is spilling over into all facets of your life. Yes, I agree we tend to start with an all or nothing approach when trying new diets (or anything else for that matter). But in the end, the best lessons learned are how you can take the bits and pieces that seem to work and integrate them with other bits you've found work. This approach takes much more time to figure out and a lot more thinking. Unfortunately, not everybody is willing to put in that kind of effort. They want the solution handed to them for them to follow without needing to think. Hence, your "sheeple" pic is perfect. It takes an extraordinary person to take what they learn a step further and make it their own and fit their specific needs.

Lori Stalter Great points -- it IS hard to do the work, in addition to being uncomfortable to swim against the current of the norm. Yes, the sheep seemed fitting! :)

livinglagom 6 pts

I've gotten the whole, "So what AREN'T you eating now Sandra?" I know it's been annoying for some people, but you can't know what is best for you without some experimentation. I'm still trying to sort it all out myself. I've been "doing" my research, etc. But, as with other parts of my life, I incorporate the ideas that I like the best. Maybe that means I won't be able to label myself for easy identification for others, but I need to be true to myself. We are all custom made!

livinglagom Great point about easy identification. YES. I hadn't even thought about that piece of it, but it's really hard to have to go through a spiel every time someone asks what they expect to be a simple question. Maybe I will invent my own custom label :)

ethanwaldman 129 pts

Fantastic Erin! I think what you're describing here is taking leadership in your own life. Rather than following someone else's plans, you're making your own. It's amazing how much shame you can feel when you're NOT following someone else's advice. It's like.. "what am I missing out on?".. "what could I be doing?" Once you realize that you can be your own leader, it gets so much easier to make progress!

ethanwaldman Yes, I think that's it! Scary and exhilarating at the same time. I swing between feeling empowered and asking all those "missing out" type questions. But I'm slowly tipping the balance toward the latter :)

Karen J 87 pts

In which we discover that we're all really Magpies: "Ooh! this Works. This doesn't (over the side with it!) Lessee if this piece fits over here...?" :)

Diet, spiritual paths, employment, relationships (How random is your collection of friends and acquaintances? Mine is all over the place, not to mention the world!)

Have a great weekend, y'all! Karen

Karen J Ooh I love that! Magpies...perfect image. And don't they like shiny things, too? That's me as well, hehe. Yes, friends too!

HolliMargell 6 pts

I'm so happy for you to figure this out! The Puttypeep Accountability group I'm in just got onto the health/diet tangent this week, and we discussed this very thing: There is no ONE diet for everyone. We're all unique. The trouble with diets is that they do work for people, but not everyone. And,when someone finds one that makes a big difference, they're so excited that they're sure it's "they way" everyone needs to eat:)

Personally, I've had the pleasure of dealing with my son's gluten and egg allergy, daughter's constipation, and now my Husband's Paleo diet. I'm a flexitarian:) All of this has hit home the point that we're all unique.

Cheers to being true to yourself!

HolliMargell Yeah, that's so true. The first diet I tried when I started having problems was supposedly tailored to people with "my" problem. A year later, feeling no better, I finally tried a different approach, with much greater success -- even though parts of it were opposite what the diet for "my" problem prescribed. I'm realizing more and more how important it is to try things for yourself.

I'm pretty sure, by the way, that I need access to your family cookbook! I could eat safe at your house :)

deniseurena 72 pts

Beautifully written, Erin. And thanks for the mention :)

If you think about it, when people come up with methods, diets, or systems and write books about them, they must have went through that same journey of following a thousand other methods that we all go through. And then they filter what works and what doesn't, add their own findings based on their personal experience and eventually they have a brand new unique system that they share with the world. And it's great when people share what works for them - I learn a little from everyone.

My only pet peeve is that sometimes, these experts market their knowledge in a condescending way. You see it in blog post titles. I've had life coaches tell me that if I really wanted my life to change I would "find the money" to hire them - as if they are my personal savior. And I'm not against coaches, I know many genuine people that are wonderful coaches - I'm just not a fan of sleazy marketing. Anyways, I really enjoyed this Erin! I'm honored that I was able to inspire you to take the discussion further :)

deniseurena Thanks, and thank you for sharing the thoughts that sparked this post!

Yes, exactly -- how do we forget that that is how new approaches are formed?? I agree. I feel a really strong resistance to people who market with that condescending approach, like "I have the solution and you're a fool for not buying it from me." Or the people who create fear so that you feel like the only way you'll be ok / succeed / whatever is to buy what they're selling. Yech.

sarahemily 77 pts

Oh man... yes... I never thought of myself as low self-confidence but lately I've been realizing how much it has applied in the past (now that I have some of the real kind) and I'm definitely a perfectionist... I'm so happy you're getting on this page. It's my favorite page. hahahaha. In case you couldn't tell from it being the theme of my whole blog. Yay you!! And great post!

sarahemily Thanks! I'm liking this page quite a bit. It could become my favorite, too, once I get a little more comfortable on it ;)

joeyjoejoe 93 pts

Hi Erin,

I'm totally on the pick and choose bandwagon. My life has become this beautiful mishmash of philosophies, activities, behaviors, and experiments. And at least at this point in my life, I wouldn't want it any other way.

The biggest thing for me is that I give each new change a chance to stick before declaring, "this isn't for me." Sometimes that means doing something a couple of times or sometimes it means giving a thought process change it a go for a full year. I used to change horses in midstream all the time but finally realized; the only thing worse than no change is rapidly shifting back and forth between too many kinds.

I'm excited to see your self-awareness and confidence increasing all the time. You're doing something right. Keep it up!

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joeyjoejoe Excellent point, Joel! "...the only thing worse than no change is rapidly shifting back and forth between too many kinds." That's kinda been one of my problems, I'm thinking - not giving something "a good chance" to actually make a difference before I move on (read: forget it).

"Brain like steel sieve" syndrome is often an additional challenge to my Shiny Object addiction. :)

(Hyperbolic language intentional - don't have time to qualify it all. ;) )

joeyjoejoe You're a great example of pick-and-choose, Joel! It's inspiring to see how well you've chosen what to keep and incorporated it into your life.

I'm the opposite of you -- I tend to stick with things far too long! My mind convinces itself whatever I'm trying is working, maybe because it's afraid to admit it made the wrong choice. It's a good reminder to me not to go too far the other way -- thanks :)

KimThirion 22 pts

I love the feeling I get when I have figured out how to do something, the same thing everyone else is doing, differently and I find that it works better. It's like this big "ah ha!" moment when everything seems to click. But a word of warning, that feeling can be addictive!

KimThirion Yes! I haven't had many "click" moments, but the slow unfolding in little steps is great. It's like tiny wins, each time I realize I can deconstruct whatever I'm learning/trying/doing and just keep the bits that work for me.

Shanna Mann 202 pts

YESSSSSSS! Honestly, I think we do our kids such a disservice when we teach them to blindly obey authority, because they don't develop the skills to think for themselves, or even to decide who's really an authority. I'm glad you're breaking out of this mould. YOU are the final arbiter of what works for you, and there's no reason for you to feel bad when it doesn't.

Shanna Mann I used to make fun of them, but I honestly think that I will homeschool my children if I ever have any. That or some kind of crunchy alternative school.

ethanwaldman Shanna Mann Yes, definitely. I'm only just starting to realize how far-reaching the effects of our teaching system is. I can trace a lot of my less-than-great habits and mindsets back to school. The alternative approaches are looking better and better.

@ethanwaldman It's so weird that we say "The world needs more innovators, more people who arent afraid to buck the trend!" and then systematically train it out of people. Kind of like "Yeah, SOMEbody needs to fight in the army, but not MY kid. He'll stay where it's safe."